Control.....

So, I'm officially in the middle of my 3rd week of being a Stay at Home Mom. I have to say, this is SOOOOO different from anything I have ever done!! I LOVE IT!! Not only have I gotten to spend so much time with Cady I have also spent a lot of time with my mom and some friends that I have missed! I have also been doing a lot of reading and meditating and learning more about my faith with Jesus. I have come to realize that I need to stop trying to control everything. I need to let Him take control and lead me in the path that he wants me to go in. I have been listening to a lot of music lately and this song by Francesca Battistelli has been like a theme song for me!! I'm officially letting go and giving him the reigns! Here are some of my favorite lyrics:

"I'm Letting Go"

(Chorus)
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

(Chorus)

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

I'm not afraid anymore, I have no idea where my life is headed. I have no idea what I will be doing in an hour, tomorrow, next week.....I have no plan whatsoever! And I feel better than ever!

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter!!

Come join me on Twitter! I LOVE it!

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Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m…

So, I don’t know about you but for some reason when I am driving my eyes are like magnetized to billboards! I swear I see EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! So, on the topic of billboards today I have noticed one of the greatest billboards I have ever seen. They are popping up everywhere. The first one I saw in Schoolcraft and then I just saw one in Three Rivers the other day. Here is what it says: "You wouldn’t say it’s just Cancer. Get over it!!” And then on the bottom is says depressionisreal.org. I LOVE that billboard!! That is so true. I think that depression is one of those things that some people don’t take too seriously. Obviously it isn’t like having cancer or aids or anything but it is still devastating and it is still life threatening. Not many really know what it is truly like to suffer from depression if they are not experiencing it themselves. I suffer from a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes extreme depression and anxiety. I have been dealing with this for years but just recently started to get the correct help to help me through it. I’m not suicidal or anything but I’m not always myself. Some days I’m far from it! Depression is something that takes over your body. Its not just “I’m sad one day so I must be depressed!” It is more than just being sad and moody. Depression causes me to not only be sad but to be self-destructive at times. It causes me to lash out at loved ones. Freak out about nothing, cry about nothing, and physically not be able to get myself off the couch at times. There are some days when I just don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to even see anyone. I over eat because I’m sad and then I get pissed when I realize that I just ate a bunch of crap and am getting fatter so then I over eat some more because I’m sad again! I started drinking to calm myself down. Let me tell ya, being depressed and then drinking doesn’t lead to calm, it leads to being even more depressed!!! I have serious panic attacks where I can’t control anything around me and it feels like my heart is going to explode. The first time I had one I swore I was having a heart attack! All of that I just described is only a little bit of how depression affects my life. I have not chosen to be like this. I don’t wish this on anyone. As I said, I have recently started to get help and see a significant improvement but there are some people out there that haven’t sought out help yet. They are just scared, they don’t want help, they don’t want to believe that there is something wrong with them or they don’t know what to do to get help. I just want to remind everyone that doesn’t know much about what depression is that it is actually a serious thing. It’s not just a hoax that people use to get sympathy, well, not everyone anyways. It’s not someone being sad for one day. It is real and it is brutal and I thank whoever it was that came up with the idea of those billboards. Thank you Mr. or Mrs. Billboard maker!!! You are sending a message to people everywhere and hopefully it will help someone else in this world the way that it has helped me.
So America here ya go: Hello, my name is Stephanie and I suffer from extreme clinical depression and anxiety disorder.

Blocked...

Sorry guys....I just wanted to let you know that Im having a bit of writers block.....

High School Wrestlers....

So....my brother is on the TR Varsity Wrestling team.  I have been to many many wrestling meets and I have to say there is something kinda odd about them to me.....I have a lot of unanswered questions....maybe someone can help me....  I guess my first question is why do high school boys (and some girls) really want to roll around on the ground with other guys balls in their face?  What is with this new found epidemic of 'back tattoos"??  Like 1 in every 3 guys has one.  And most of them are their last name....do they need to permanently etch it in their back so that they can remember it for the rest of their lives?? What ever happened to a unitard?  Why is it suddenly a singlet??  Why do some of the wrestlers roll their singlets up so it looks like they are wearing a one piece bathing suit?  Why is the 103 guy from Portage Northern constantly walking around!?!?  And what is he listening to on his MP3 player? I'm convinced it is the theme from Rocky... Why are some wrestling moms kind of trashy??  Why is a hot dog from the concession stand so much better than any other ones at different sporting events?  And last but not least....WHY DO ALL WRESTLERS FEEL IT IS OK TO GRAB, ITCH, ADJUST AND GENERALLY PLAY WITH THEIR JUNK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME???!!!?!?!?!

To conclude.....I probably shouldn't say this because its kind of wrong, but all in all High School Wrestlers are kind hot!!  Lol!

Phil Collins for President!

So, apparently I have a lot to say tonight because this is my second blog already!!

I'm starting to wonder if Mr. Obama is really the right person for the job. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing him or anything, I mean I voted for him. I just wonder if he is the right guy to help us change. If you know me you probably also know about my love for Phil Collins! I mean who else could get away with a song like Sussido and still be freaking awesome! He is pretty much the greatest artist of all time! So, because of that I say we elect Phil for President!! His slogan would be "Oh, think twice. Its just another day of you and him in paradise! Vote Phil Collins for President. He'll change the world Sussido-Style!"

OK....I know....that was pretty bad...but come on, it would be awesome!!!

Give me your eyes....

Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see. Everything that I keep on missing, give me your love for humanity.

So, I started listening to WFRN Christian radio station while in the car and this song plays a lot and Ive got to say, its becoming a fast favorite! How inspiring it is to hear someone who is willing to cry out to the Lord in such a beautiful way! I'm beginning to realize how much I really love God and the things that he does for us. Now, I just need to find a good church that will help me grow stronger in my faith.

So, since this is my first blog I guess I will tell you a little bit about myself. Well, for those of you who don't know me anyways! I am 24. I have been married to my husband Leif for almost 4 years. We have the greatest daughter in the whole world, Cadence! You will probably hear me call her Cady or CadyBug most of the time. I work full time in the RV industry...*sigh* and I come from a big family.

You will notice if you read my blogs for a while that I am pretty random. I like a lot of things, I dislike a lot of things and I am VERY opinionated!!!

I think that I'm going to use this blog as a type of free therapy to help let all my issues out because trust me, Ive got a lot of issues!!

Right now I hope you enjoy my life, what Ive got to say and just remember:

I'm living in a material world and I am a material girl!!

Like I said....Random....

As you may have already noticed I like to jump from topic to topic! I will try to keep each blog about just one topic but don't count on it!