Vinny.....oh Vinny.....How I love thee.....

Yes, I'm a closet Jersey Shore Fan.....Shut it....

Vinny has always been one of my favorites and now I know why.  Depression and Anxiety is often overused and can become kind of a cliche, so when I saw this video all I could think of was how I needed to share this with others!  As I have said in previous posts I struggle everyday with Severe Clinical Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I often keep it to myself but it is very hard to deal with at times.  I started noticing at a young age that something wasn't right but didn't quite know what it was so I waited until I had a nervous breakdown before I sought out help, I love that Vinny has chosen to come out with his struggles.  I have high hopes that his video and website will help some teens and young people that are suffering as well but just don't know how to talk about it!



For once, Jersey Shore has produced something positive! :-)

Until Next Time.....

Steph

Im on the verge.....

Of a nervous breakdown......Seriously, please tell me that I am not the only one who is experiencing or has experienced the worst case of terrible twos/almost threes in the world!!!???!?!?! This is just cruel and unusual punishment, especially for a preggo momma! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely with all my heart love my daughter and would do anything in the world for her but I find myself getting really really mad and almost resenting her at times and that kills me.  (side note: I do suffer from Depression and Anxiety Disorder if you haven't read through my blog)  I don't want to be mad at her, I don't want to punish her, I don't want to yell at her but nothing seems to be helping!  I just want her to listen to me and be that sweet little girl that I know she can be!  I have basically tried everything I can think of and she just continues to not listen and have these HORRIBLE tantrums and fits anywhere and everywhere!  Currently I am the mom with the screaming child that you can hear on the other side of the store!  Which is why I have been MIA at the store lately!  I have been having small anxiety attacks lately and I know they are due to her behavior and the stress that it is causing me.  I just cry and cry and cry....I cant even control that anymore......I'm honestly starting to question my ability to raise two children.  What have I gotten myself into?  Why would I think I can handle this? When will she calm down?  How soon can I start my meds after the baby is born..... :-) lol (I know those will help out tremendously!)

I'm just gonna ask that you all say a little prayer for me that I survive this.  Hopefully once I have the baby and my hormones aren't all whacked out and I can start my meds again I will be able to handle her a little better...... if not I'm sure you will hear me cry about it some more...That's what a blog is for isn't it??  :-)  Maybe I will get lucky and she will grow out of it by the time she is three, even though everyone I have talked to has said that three is worse then two....if that's the case then I'm doomed! 

Until later.......6 weeks until my due date, hopefully Nathan arrives sooner!

Im in a funk.....

Ive been in kind of a funk lately...I cant think of anything to blog about, I cant get myself up to clean the house, I cant get myself excited to go places, I cant get myself to do any crafting....Pretty much all I want to do is sit in my blue chair with my matching blue footstool.  Normally you would see me with my laptop on my lap with the TV playing in the background where I am listening but not really watching it, but lately I haven't even wanted to do that.  I haven't been interested in anything online, Facebook seems boring to me....which is odd because if you know me you know I LOVE Facebook.  I started crocheting a scarf for my mom on Monday and haven't touched it since, I just cant get any motivation to do anything!  I don't really want to talk to anyone, hang out with anyone or go anywhere.  With the exception of Cady.  Since I have a history of Depression my mind automatically goes to "OH NO!  Am I going in that direction again!?!?"  But then the other part of me just accepts the fact that I am just in a funk....I get in these moods at times, there really isn't anything I can do to change them, just mask them when I'm around people, pretend that I'm excited and in a good mood....Is that really healthy?  Does that really help?  Will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life?  Do I need to go back to the Dr's and up my medication dose or change my medication?  There are so many questions rolling through my mind.  

Unforunatley, I cant find the motivation right now to get the answers for them. 

Thought Provoking Thursday.....On Friday!

Lets do a little thinking today....

If you could ensure your kids never have one experience that you have had, what would it be?

I dont ever want Cady or any other children I may have to ever have to experience depression, anxiety and weight issues. Depression and anxiety can tear you down so fast you dont even know whats happening. Its something that I struggle with everyday and I dont wish it upon anyone, even my worst enemy. I also hope that she never has to deal with her weight like I do. Its something that if you dont have control over it can spiral out of control in no time. It will be my life long goal to do everything in my power to make sure she doesnt have to deal with these things.

I invite all of you to answer this question as well.

Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m…

So, I don’t know about you but for some reason when I am driving my eyes are like magnetized to billboards! I swear I see EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! So, on the topic of billboards today I have noticed one of the greatest billboards I have ever seen. They are popping up everywhere. The first one I saw in Schoolcraft and then I just saw one in Three Rivers the other day. Here is what it says: "You wouldn’t say it’s just Cancer. Get over it!!” And then on the bottom is says depressionisreal.org. I LOVE that billboard!! That is so true. I think that depression is one of those things that some people don’t take too seriously. Obviously it isn’t like having cancer or aids or anything but it is still devastating and it is still life threatening. Not many really know what it is truly like to suffer from depression if they are not experiencing it themselves. I suffer from a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes extreme depression and anxiety. I have been dealing with this for years but just recently started to get the correct help to help me through it. I’m not suicidal or anything but I’m not always myself. Some days I’m far from it! Depression is something that takes over your body. Its not just “I’m sad one day so I must be depressed!” It is more than just being sad and moody. Depression causes me to not only be sad but to be self-destructive at times. It causes me to lash out at loved ones. Freak out about nothing, cry about nothing, and physically not be able to get myself off the couch at times. There are some days when I just don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to even see anyone. I over eat because I’m sad and then I get pissed when I realize that I just ate a bunch of crap and am getting fatter so then I over eat some more because I’m sad again! I started drinking to calm myself down. Let me tell ya, being depressed and then drinking doesn’t lead to calm, it leads to being even more depressed!!! I have serious panic attacks where I can’t control anything around me and it feels like my heart is going to explode. The first time I had one I swore I was having a heart attack! All of that I just described is only a little bit of how depression affects my life. I have not chosen to be like this. I don’t wish this on anyone. As I said, I have recently started to get help and see a significant improvement but there are some people out there that haven’t sought out help yet. They are just scared, they don’t want help, they don’t want to believe that there is something wrong with them or they don’t know what to do to get help. I just want to remind everyone that doesn’t know much about what depression is that it is actually a serious thing. It’s not just a hoax that people use to get sympathy, well, not everyone anyways. It’s not someone being sad for one day. It is real and it is brutal and I thank whoever it was that came up with the idea of those billboards. Thank you Mr. or Mrs. Billboard maker!!! You are sending a message to people everywhere and hopefully it will help someone else in this world the way that it has helped me.
So America here ya go: Hello, my name is Stephanie and I suffer from extreme clinical depression and anxiety disorder.