About Me

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I am Steph! I am a 30-something mom and wife. I am Bi-Polar. I am an Autism mom. I work full time outside the home. I overcommit myself every single day. I sometimes wonder how my husband puts up with me on a day to day basis. I have 2 children, one neuro-typical and one not so neuro-typical. I am a hot mess. I am Steph.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


God is testing me.  He is testing my faith in him and my ability to ask him for help when I need it.  Leif is going on day 5 of his hospital stay.  I am going on day 5 of taking care of him while he is not able, taking care of Cady as much as I can in between hospital visits and TRYING to remember to take care of myself and the baby I'm about to give birth to in the meantime.  I am slowly learning that I can not be in multiple places at once no matter how much I want to be.  I want to be with Leif in the hospital.  I want to make sure he is ok and if he needs something I want to be the one to help him.  I want to make sure he is sleeping through the night and when he wakes up I don't want him to be alone.  I want to be next to him saying good morning and next to him saying good night.  But, I also have a beautiful almost 3 year old who needs me.....and quite frankly I need her too!  I want to do all the same things with her, say good night, say good morning, be there when she needs something and make sure she isn't feeling left out because Mommy is spending so much time away.  I have to admit, Cady has been SOOO great throughout all of this craziness and I have to thank my mom immensely!  If it weren't for her help I think I would have gone crazy by now!  Cady doesn't quite understand what is going on, but she knows that her daddy is sick and needs to get better before he can come home.  She doesn't understand why he is hooked up to all of the tubes and why he cant sit on the floor and play with her.  But she does understand that something is wrong......  The other day I was exhausted and a bit stressed and I just broke down.  The first time since all of this started....  I started crying and sobbing and just couldn't keep it in anymore.  My little girl came to me and with her sad eyes she asked "Mommy, are you sad at me??"  I lost it some more....then I realized that I needed to be strong for her.  I told her I wasn't sad at her, I just missed Daddy and wanted him to come home.  Then my big girl said, "Don't worry momma, Ill make you happy!"  You cant help but smile at that!  I have to remind myself that I need to be strong and that I need to just cry out for help.  I can't do this all by myself.  I can't handle it.  And that, is how God is testing me.  He is making sure that I know that I can ask him for help anytime and he will provide.  He is helping me to become a better wife to Leif.  He is helping me to become a better mommy to Cady and Nathan.  And he is helping me to become a better child of God.  And I am so thankful for everything and everyone that I have in my life!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I wished upon a shooting last night.......

My hubby never gets sick.....if he does it is allergies or a small cold.  So, with 3 1/2 weeks left until my due date we never thought we would be spending time in the hospital for any reason other than having a baby!  It started around August 6th, he started not feeling well, was running a fever and just plain icky!  He took Friday off of work (which he NEVER takes days off of work!) and he rested throughout the weekend and went back to work on Monday.  Monday he was feeling a little better and Tuesday he was still tired but not too bad.  Tuesday August 10th he realized that something wasn't right and FINALLY decided to go to the Dr's!  I took him in on Wednesday morning and they checked him over and did some Xrays and found out that his right lung was filled with pneumonia so we were sent straight to the hospital.  After arriving at the hospital he was looked over again and the hospital Dr. gave him a prescription, took him off of work for a week and sent us home.  He took his meds like he was supposed to and rested at home for a week and at the end of the week he was feeling great so he returned to work on August 18.  He worked for the remaining two days of the week and over the weekend even though he looked and felt 100 times better he was still having some troubles breathing.  Being the stubborn man that he is, he didn't think he needed to go back to the Dr's since he felt good but I finally talked him into it on Tuesday the 24th because he was still having issues with his breathing when he was lifting things.  So, we went back to the Dr's thinking that he just needed another round of meds to clean things up, they looked him over and took more Xrays of his chest to see if they had improved in the two weeks since he had been there last and much to our surprise his lungs were worse!  Not only was his right lung almost all the way full but it had moved to his left lung too!  So, you guessed it, off to the ER we were sent!  Tuesday night my hubby was admitted to the hospital for severe pneumonia and a right lung that had collapsed......and that brings us to the present day, Thursday August 26th.....where we are currently on day 3 of him being in the hospital.

Last night as I was driving home I had the music low, Cady was in the back sleeping and the moon was shining bright straight ahead of me!  It was so bright I probably could have driven without my lights on!  Since it was pretty late, the high way was kinda empty so I had much of the road to myself and it was very peaceful.  As I was driving I looked to my left and saw a shooting star falling through the darkness.  I immediately made a wish.  I wished that Leif would get better.  I wished for strength to get through all of this.  And even though I want this baby out now I wished that he would stay in until Leif is well enough to be at the hospital with me.  When I got to the hospital this morning he was doing much better than yesterday and was given the news that he may be able to come home tomorrow!  Lets hope my wishing and praying is working!  And if you would like to send a prayer for us too, that would be greatly appreciated!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Am I the only one???

Am I the only one ready to say goodbye to Summer and hello to Fall!?!?  I was looking through some pictures from last year and I have noticed that we do so many fun things in Fall and of course as we all know I will be holding my new baby boy!! :-) But that's just a bonus!  I'm in the mood to reminisce so Im gonna share some pictures from last year.  I just know that this year is going to be twice as fun and filled with some many moments to create lasting memories!

I cant wait until the weather is cooler so that we can take Cady to the playground and not have a heat stroke just from being outside! 

We went to the Air Zoo a few times last year!  I hope we find another mommy group to go again this year.  If not, we will just go on adventures by ourselves!

Since Cady's bday is September 1st, it feels like her special day jump starts the season!
Then there was the Children's Museum......

And Apple Picking.

And you can't forget the Pumpkin Patch! 

I could go on and on about how much fun we had last year!  I just get more excited everyday thinking that not only will we have fun again this year, but instead of being a family of 3 we will be a family of 4!! 

I can't wait!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

9 Months!

36 Weeks!!  9 Months!  

It seems like it has taken forever to hit this mark!  One more week until we are considered full term!  There are 28 days left until my due date.....I'm praying that he will be here before then!  Since I went 8 days overdue with Cady I'm thinking that he should cut me some slack and come at least 8 days early! :-) What........that's not how this works???  

Here is what my weekly email says about this week: 

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely he's in a head-down position. But if he isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Ok....so here is my opinion on what this email says: I'm convinced that my baby is MUCH larger than 6 lbs at this moment!  I feel as if I'm carrying at least a 14lb baby, LOL!  Seriously though, I have a feeling I will be having a larger baby (Cady was over 8lbs).  Secondly, if Nathan doesn't come on his own (taking after his big sister) my midwife better NOT make me wait until 42 weeks to deliver!!  I'm pretty sure the standard here is 41 weeks for induction unless there is a medical issue but seeing that 42 really scares me!  Why on earth would someone want to go 2 weeks overdue!?!?!  I'm pretty sure I would not survive that!  

So, here is a short synopsis of how I am feeling at this moment: 

*I'm swollen
*I can barely walk
*My leg keeps cramping up
*I can not bend over anymore
*Every time he moves it feels like someone is punching my bladder...Oh wait, someone is!
*I'm so exhausted that I have no motivation to do anything!  (might I add that I'm trying to prepare for a three year old's bday next weekend.....)
*And lastly, I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready to have this baby!!!!! 

Until next time........  :-)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thank You Very Much!

It's Free Therapy Day!! That's right, it's Thursday, which means it's the Thank You Very Much day. The way it works is that you take out all your frustrations on people/things that peeved you off during the week and thank them in a very sarcastic way, for being who or what they are/doing what they did.

*Thank You Very Much to the virus that hit both my mom and my hubby!  Pneumonia in the Summer!??!!  Taking care of a Sick husband is 30 times worse than taking care of a sick child!  Lets remind everyone that I am 8 1/2 months pregnant too! UGH!

*Thank You Very Much to my darling 2 year old....if you havent read my nervous breakdown post, that explains everything!

*Thank You Very Much to all the new orders I have gotten in the past few days for CadyMayDesigns!  Really, That's awesome! However, a HUGE thank you for everything that was ordered being custom orders involving items that I don't have in stock at the moment....Now I have to take my lovely two year old to the store since Hubby is sick....Thanks.....

If you would like some Good Old Fashioned FREE Therapy visit Kmama!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Wordless Wednesday: There really are no words to describe this......


(If you cant tell what this is.....Its the longest Rat Tail Ive ever seen!!  1984 called, they want their hair back!!)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Im on the verge.....

Of a nervous breakdown......Seriously, please tell me that I am not the only one who is experiencing or has experienced the worst case of terrible twos/almost threes in the world!!!???!?!?! This is just cruel and unusual punishment, especially for a preggo momma! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely with all my heart love my daughter and would do anything in the world for her but I find myself getting really really mad and almost resenting her at times and that kills me.  (side note: I do suffer from Depression and Anxiety Disorder if you haven't read through my blog)  I don't want to be mad at her, I don't want to punish her, I don't want to yell at her but nothing seems to be helping!  I just want her to listen to me and be that sweet little girl that I know she can be!  I have basically tried everything I can think of and she just continues to not listen and have these HORRIBLE tantrums and fits anywhere and everywhere!  Currently I am the mom with the screaming child that you can hear on the other side of the store!  Which is why I have been MIA at the store lately!  I have been having small anxiety attacks lately and I know they are due to her behavior and the stress that it is causing me.  I just cry and cry and cry....I cant even control that anymore......I'm honestly starting to question my ability to raise two children.  What have I gotten myself into?  Why would I think I can handle this? When will she calm down?  How soon can I start my meds after the baby is born..... :-) lol (I know those will help out tremendously!)

I'm just gonna ask that you all say a little prayer for me that I survive this.  Hopefully once I have the baby and my hormones aren't all whacked out and I can start my meds again I will be able to handle her a little better...... if not I'm sure you will hear me cry about it some more...That's what a blog is for isn't it??  :-)  Maybe I will get lucky and she will grow out of it by the time she is three, even though everyone I have talked to has said that three is worse then two....if that's the case then I'm doomed! 

Until later.......6 weeks until my due date, hopefully Nathan arrives sooner!

I finally jumped on the Alligator Clip Bandwagon!

If you have read my blog you might have noticed that I have an online business making All things Girly and some boy items called CadyMayDesigns!  Well, Ive been trying to think of some different things to branch out and maybe get more business and have had a couple of new ideas but nothing super cool!  

So, knowing that clippies generally sell pretty well and are fairly easy to make, I finally jumped on the band wagon and started doing Lined Alligator Clips. 


 What do you think?? 

(BTW, I didn't realize that these were so complicated at first!  After I got the hang of it they became 
 really easy but in the beginning they were a little hard to keep everything in line!)

Friday, August 6, 2010

Friday Follow!


Its Friday Follow!  Ive been working long and hard to build a solid group of followers so maybe this will help!  I hope everyone is having a great Friday already and a great weekend to come!  Thanks to all of my new followers within the last few days!  You are making my goal of 100 followers easier than I thought!  Hopefully I don't bore you!  I will try my hardest I promise! :-)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Thank You Very Much!

It's Free Therapy Day!! That's right, it's Thursday, which means it's the Thank You Very Much day. The way it works is that you take out all your frustrations on people/things that peeved you off during the week and thank them in a very sarcastic way, for being who or what they are/doing what they did.

1) Thank you VERY much to whatever has been passed around to everyone in my family that makes me cough like a smoker!  My washing machine has been in overdrive lately because I'm coughing so hard that I pee my pants....multiple times a day....SO NOT COOL!

2) Thank You Very Much to my favorite almost 3 year old.....I SERIOUSLY love you with all my heart but I don't know how much more of this tantrum stage that I can take!  I get it, you are having some terrible two issues....but really....Momma needs a break from the screaming for unknown reasons EVERYDAY!!

3) Thank You VERY Much to the State of Indiana for finally paying me the back unemployment they have owed me since June....SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

4) Thank You Very Much to my niece Emma for going through this SUPER clingy stage lately....I understand that you are only 9 months old and still need attention but darling, you are almost 20lbs and Aunt Mae Mae is SUPER pregnant at this time so it makes it really hard to hold you constantly throughout the day.....

5) Oh yeah, Again with Emma, I really really do Love you.  But when I need to put you down because my arm is falling asleep or I need to go to the bathroom or clean or something....PLEASE don't scream so loud that people outside think I am killing you.....Please......

If you would like some Good Old Fashioned FREE Therapy visit Kmama!

Wordless Wednesday: Natural Beauty.