About Me

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I am Steph! I am a 30-something mom and wife. I am Bi-Polar. I am an Autism mom. I work full time outside the home. I overcommit myself every single day. I sometimes wonder how my husband puts up with me on a day to day basis. I have 2 children, one neuro-typical and one not so neuro-typical. I am a hot mess. I am Steph.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

God's Battlefield or Mine?

"Our battlefield as women is being faithful to fulfill the calling Jesus Christ has given us."


How can we deny that?  

I went to Lay Minister Training this weekend at one of my favorite places in Michigan, Wesley Woods Camp.  If you ever get a chance to attend a Retreat here I highly recommend it!  This place is just awesome and I can't imagine how awesome it is in the summer when it is full of young blood at their summer camps!  

So, I almost wasn't going to go this weekend.  One of my best friends from High School got married tonight (Dana, I'm SO sorry I missed your big day!  But know that I was there in spirit!!) and I didn't want to go by myself and not know anyone!  Even though I'm getting older now, I still don't like to be the weird girl that doesn't have any friends! But that's neither here nor there! LOL  

But God was calling me to go.  He was pushing me and erased any doubt that I had about going so I signed up.  He had a plan for me that I couldn't see yet, but he knew that I needed to be there this weekend! 

I took a class on Storytelling, even though I went into it thinking I am pretty boring and I don't have any stories to tell.  I was wrong.  I met the most fascinating people this weekend!  The stories that were shared were unbelievable!  The people that were in our class were so different yet so a like at the same time!  I was just in awe the entire weekend! 

I met a girl while there named Sarah.  She is a high school senior who is getting ready to graduate and start college this fall and is considering Ministry.  In the short time that I got to talk with her and hear her story I can already tell she is going to do great things in her life!  She is one of the most inspirational people I have ever met!  

Meeting her really got me thinking about what God is calling me to do in my life.  I have always thought that I would work with children or youth.  I've worked with youth before and loved it!  However, lately I have been feeling the need to work with young adults.  Yes, one could call me a young adult myself, but come on...I'm pushing 30 now!  But back to my point. I have been feeling like I need to do more with my ministry than I am currently doing right now but I haven't really figured it out yet.  Could Sarah be what I am looking for?  Did God place us both at the same weekend Retreat in the same class on purpose?  ABSOLUTELY HE DID!! God knew that we needed each other and he brought us together. And I'm not gonna lie, I am pretty darn excited about it! 

I want to finish this post by asking you all to pray for me now.  Pray that I can be a good mentor and role model to Sarah.  Pray that our friendship will blossom and grow!  Pray for her as she is ending a part of her life to begin a new and exciting part!  Pray for the both of us as we are both growing in our faith and learning new things as we go and Pray that we will never forget that "Our battlefield as women is being faithful to fulfill the calling Jesus Christ has given us.". 

Until Next Time....

Thursday, March 14, 2013


I'm a fan of reading the success stories on MyFitnessPal.  (Hit me up Steph8084 :-) lol) Everytime I read a new one I always think to myself "I Wish that were me." I sometimes find myself a little jealous that they have been working out for a shorter period of time but lost more weight or they are the same weight as me but look smaller, etc.  So even though I somewhat tortue myself with my thoughts I still really enjoy seeing other peoples progress and knowing it really can happen.

Today I woke up feeling all around icky. Headache, body ache, sinus crap, sore throat....and it got worse as the day went on. I remember falling asleep around 5 on the couch and waking up around 8....Im assuming hubby took care of the kids during that time....hopefully....haha Well, long story short even though I felt like I was gonna fall over and die I forced myself to walk on the treadmill for at least an mile or 30 mins. I finished my mile in 20 mins and called it good. I then sat down to record it in MFP and read some more success stories like normal. Only today I noticed something different about myself. I realized that instead of being jealous and wishing that were me I was thinking "I cant wait until I have a success story to post!" I really think that when I pushed myself to jump on that treadmill even thought every ounce of energy I had was screaming no I actually showed myself that I WILL be a success story! I will do it and I can do it! 
I had a breakthrough tonight and you better believe you will be seeing my success story in the future!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tonight I fell in love...

I fell in love all over again tonight.....

with Running.

I started tripping, jogging, having seizure like movements running in July of 2012.  I couldn't jog 20  seconds to save my life.  If I was being chased I would have totally gotten caught before I even started running!  At 280 lbs, running was pretty much a joke to me, something I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined myself doing.  I remember feeling like I was going to die the first time I decided to run on the track. I remember feeling very accomplished after I was able to run for 30 secs straight without stopping.  I also remember telling myself that I WILL run a 5k before I turn 30.  

I started the C25K program all by my lonesome and hit the ground running.  I struggled through the first week.  I struggled through the second, third and made it to the fourth week.  Then my sister wanted to start so I went back to the beginning again!  I noticed a significant difference when I started over.  I was able to get through the weeks a lot easier that I did before.  We made it to Week 3 and then Winter came along and it was too dark and too cold to run outside.  BOO!  My Running was cut off. And I started doing other things to work out, lose weight and get healthy.  But that little pest called running kept creeping up in my head and I found myself actually MISSING it!

When I am running I honestly don't think about anything.  I don't even need music, even though I normally listen to it. I take in my surroundings, I leave all my stress at home, I leave all my schedules, crazy baby tantrums, depression and bi-polar, mommy carpooling stuff all at home.  And I just run. I run until my legs feel like they are going to buckle, I take a break and I run again.  I am not fast. But I am running and I love it.

Let's skip all the way to the end of last month when I got my new baby!  My new treadmill! Since then I have made significant progress not only getting myself back to where I was, but improving!  

Can you believe that I, Steph the girl who has always been the big girl, the girl who never ran EVER, the girl who has 100 lbs to lose, would be running for 3 and 5 minutes straight at a 4 and 5mph speed!?

When I began I was walking a mile in about 35-40 minutes. Tonight I shaved 10 seconds off my previous PR and did a mile in 15:50, 9 of which I ran!  

To say that I am excited would be an understatement!  I CAN not wait to get back outside and show the road what I am made of!  I can't wait to kill the C25K and I also can't wait to join my Girl Jen in Nov in Chicago and run my official 5k!  

I pushed it this evening and went for my first walk/jog outside since before Winter but since it was a windy 39 degrees I didn't get very far very fast! But, I am ready!

Tonight marks the night that I fell in love with running all over again!  And I have come to the realization that I am a Runner.  

Until Next Time...

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Father Daughter Dance 2013

My Baby Girl had her first Father Daughter Dance last month!  
I'm not sure who was more excited, me or her?  

I lucked out this year because she still fit in the beautiful Flower Girl dress she wore in my sister in law's wedding almost 2 years ago.... :-) Will she ever grow?? ;-) 

Dress 2 years ago

 Dress now!

We did her hair and I even let her wear a little make up so that she looked perfect for her big date!

Of course we had to pose for a bunch of "Mommy pictures"! Leif isn't too fond of pictures, but I think they are cute! 

Of course, I don't have any pictures during the dance because someone said he forgot a camera....HELLO, YOU HAVE AN I-PHONE!!!  But, I'm not bitter! LOL 

Overall Cady had a wonderful time with her daddy.  I'm so excited for the memories that they have started making for years to come and I know that Cady will remember these dances for the rest of her life!  And hopefully next year we will see some pictures during the dance! 

Until Next Time....

Friday, March 1, 2013

Is he or Isn't he?

I just need to know........
Our son Nathan is 2 1/2.  He is not an easy boy.  He is not whatever society thinks is a 'normal' child. He is Nathan, Nate, Monkey, Bub, Brother and my heart and brain and research are telling me that he is also Autistic.  Only he has not yet been formally diagnosed. We are working on an Educational and a Medical Diagnosis right now but I'm to the point where I just want them to tell me yes, He has Autism so that I can move on with our lives, get him the help and resources he needs and just start our lives again. What kind of mother WANTs their child to be labeled autistic?? I just need a simple yes or no...Right now I feel like we are on hold....like stuck in the middle of "Is he? or Isn't he?".
I have been researching on my own for months now. I know Autism like the back of my hand and I know Nathan like the back of my hand.....at least I thought I did. He amazes me every single day with the things he does! But I still just need to know....I think I almost need the label so that I can grieve. I feel like its not bothering me but deep down I know it is but I cant fully process things until I have that yes or no answer. I know it sounds weird but I almost think that if he is that it will make my life a little easier.....I will have some answers as to why he is the way he is and I can seek help, advice, treatment  etc and adapt to his needs. I just don't want to be hovering over what is wrong with him. I want to move forward and enjoy life as a mommy to him and a family. I want to make the changes we as a family need to make to work together....I just need to know what they will be....
As a mom I know in my heart that he is Autistic.  I know he has some sensory issues.  I know he does not fit societies standards of a "normal 2 year old boy" and I know this is going to be the hardest challenge God has ever given me. But I fully believe that God knew I would accept this challenge and hit the pavement moving forward!
To close I ask that you keep my family and Nathan in your prayers. Pray that we get a call soon from is Nuero-psychologist and we can start evaluation...
Challenge accepted and I wont let this push me down!
Until next time....