About Me

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I am Steph! I am a 30-something mom and wife. I am Bi-Polar. I am an Autism mom. I work full time outside the home. I overcommit myself every single day. I sometimes wonder how my husband puts up with me on a day to day basis. I have 2 children, one neuro-typical and one not so neuro-typical. I am a hot mess. I am Steph.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Hello, my name is Stephanie and I’m…

So, I don’t know about you but for some reason when I am driving my eyes are like magnetized to billboards! I swear I see EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!! So, on the topic of billboards today I have noticed one of the greatest billboards I have ever seen. They are popping up everywhere. The first one I saw in Schoolcraft and then I just saw one in Three Rivers the other day. Here is what it says: "You wouldn’t say it’s just Cancer. Get over it!!” And then on the bottom is says depressionisreal.org. I LOVE that billboard!! That is so true. I think that depression is one of those things that some people don’t take too seriously. Obviously it isn’t like having cancer or aids or anything but it is still devastating and it is still life threatening. Not many really know what it is truly like to suffer from depression if they are not experiencing it themselves. I suffer from a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes extreme depression and anxiety. I have been dealing with this for years but just recently started to get the correct help to help me through it. I’m not suicidal or anything but I’m not always myself. Some days I’m far from it! Depression is something that takes over your body. Its not just “I’m sad one day so I must be depressed!” It is more than just being sad and moody. Depression causes me to not only be sad but to be self-destructive at times. It causes me to lash out at loved ones. Freak out about nothing, cry about nothing, and physically not be able to get myself off the couch at times. There are some days when I just don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to even see anyone. I over eat because I’m sad and then I get pissed when I realize that I just ate a bunch of crap and am getting fatter so then I over eat some more because I’m sad again! I started drinking to calm myself down. Let me tell ya, being depressed and then drinking doesn’t lead to calm, it leads to being even more depressed!!! I have serious panic attacks where I can’t control anything around me and it feels like my heart is going to explode. The first time I had one I swore I was having a heart attack! All of that I just described is only a little bit of how depression affects my life. I have not chosen to be like this. I don’t wish this on anyone. As I said, I have recently started to get help and see a significant improvement but there are some people out there that haven’t sought out help yet. They are just scared, they don’t want help, they don’t want to believe that there is something wrong with them or they don’t know what to do to get help. I just want to remind everyone that doesn’t know much about what depression is that it is actually a serious thing. It’s not just a hoax that people use to get sympathy, well, not everyone anyways. It’s not someone being sad for one day. It is real and it is brutal and I thank whoever it was that came up with the idea of those billboards. Thank you Mr. or Mrs. Billboard maker!!! You are sending a message to people everywhere and hopefully it will help someone else in this world the way that it has helped me.
So America here ya go: Hello, my name is Stephanie and I suffer from extreme clinical depression and anxiety disorder.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


Sorry guys....I just wanted to let you know that Im having a bit of writers block.....