I googled "Grief" and I came up with this definition:
From Healthline.com: Grief is a reaction to a major loss. It is most often an unhappy and painful emotion.
I also liked with that website had to say about how there are different stages of grief.
There can be five stages of grief. These reactions might not occur in a specific order, and can (at times) occur together. Not everyone experiences all of these emotions:
- Denial, disbelief, numbness
- Anger, blaming others
- Bargaining (for instance "If I am cured of this cancer, I will never smoke again.")
- Depressed mood, sadness, and crying
- Acceptance, coming to terms
So, with all of this information I have been gathering, I'm still not sure how I am supposed to grieve. Do I cry? Do I get angry because she shouldn't have died? Do I pretend to not let it bother me? Do I accept it because I know that she is in Heaven right now watching us with Jesus and shes not suffering anymore?
I have never felt this way about a death before. I can not stop thinking about her. I cant stop thinking about her husband and how he is alone now. I can not stop thinking about who will take over her duties in church. And I cant stop thinking about how I should have called her more to see how she was doing or how I should have helped out more. I wish I would have gotten closer to her and got to know her better personally, rather than just at church.
For the time being I am just going to put on a brave face and pretend like its not bothering me until I figure things out.....Who knows, Maybe that is the way that I grieve.....
May you Rest in Peace Shirley. You are living with God now and watching over David and the rest of us! And I Thank you for everything you have done!