About Me

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I am Steph! I am a 30-something mom and wife. I am Bi-Polar. I am an Autism mom. I work full time outside the home. I overcommit myself every single day. I sometimes wonder how my husband puts up with me on a day to day basis. I have 2 children, one neuro-typical and one not so neuro-typical. I am a hot mess. I am Steph.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One Week.

As I sit here trying to decide if I should go to sleep because I have a headache or get up and clean the house a bit I suddenly feel like I am being hit with a load of bricks......I have exactly one week until two HUGE events happen in the Hightree House. 
Tuesday the 20th marks Nathan's first birthday AND Cady's first day of Preschool!! 
I can't help but be both excited and sad at the same time.  I am just in awe by how fast this last year as flown by.  At some point I feel like I have been so busy that I have missed part of the year....but then I look back at pictures and memories and realize that I was there....apparently it was just all a blur....

I am just baffled by the fact that my baby boy is 7 days away from being 1 year old.  I know it sounds corny and we say this all the time, but I truly feel like it was just yesterday that I met him after only pushing for 10 minutes!!  I feel like he has grown so fast and I am so blessed to have seen every milestone thus far but I am also a little sad....I miss my newborn....I don't think I got enough time with him alone as a newborn.  And it makes me sad.  I just wish I could go back, cuddle him some more, take more pictures, kiss his tiny sleeping face and then come back to reality.  I guess it comes with the territory of having more than one child.  I'm sure its a mom thing to never feel totally accomplished.....but it sucks....that's all....

On top of my mommy sadness that my baby is turning 1 I also have to deal with the fact that my little girl is not so little anymore....I know she is only 4 so its not like she is a teenager or anything, but she is starting school in a week!  SCHOOL!  3 hours a day for 4 days a week away from Mommy......WHAT on earth am I going to do!?!  She is both excited and scared at the same time and I am both excited and devastated at the same time.  My little girl is becoming a big girl.  Part of me is super excited to start the school activities that come with having a school-aged child and the other part of me is not quite ready yet.....I don't want to share my baby....I don't want her to rely on anyone but me....I don't want her to like her teacher more than me or go to her when she is hurt on the playground.......but then I am also happy that she will be able to learn to trust someone other than her parents and grandparents.  She needs that interaction with other kids and adults and she needs to learn in a different environment to learn new things.  But I sometimes wish I could just go sit next to her at her table and pretend like I'm not really there....at least for the first week or so....lol....

I'm sure all the feelings I am having right now are normal.....I just wish I could experience them at different times.  This wave of emotions all on the same day is not ideal....

Well, my head is starting to hurt a bit more so I guess I will hang it up tonight and go to bed....just a warning though, if you happen to see me bawling my eyes out on Tuesday morning don't think anything of it.  I'm just being a Mom.

Until next time,

1 comment:

  1. I know how you are feeling exactly. Been there. i hope that Nathan had a super fun birthday. He is so cute. Yeah for preschool. That is always fun. Enjoy every moment...it flies by so fast.
    It has been an emotional week for me too. Lots of stuff with the kids.