About Me

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I am Steph! I am a 30-something mom and wife. I am Bi-Polar. I am an Autism mom. I work full time outside the home. I overcommit myself every single day. I sometimes wonder how my husband puts up with me on a day to day basis. I have 2 children, one neuro-typical and one not so neuro-typical. I am a hot mess. I am Steph.

Monday, November 29, 2010


I've been thinking a lot about this situation and I'm officially torn.....I don't know what to do.  Do I leave?  Do I stay?  Do I improve the situation on my own?  Do I enlist in someones help to improve the situation?  I just don't know....

So, I've been attending my church for over 6 years now.  I Love it.  I love the people that go there.  I love the Pastor and his wife.  And I love work that we do in our community.  The problem I am struggling with is I think I need more.  I'm feeling like I'm not getting enough out of my church experience every week.  I feel like I have become one of those people that just goes to church on Sunday and forgets about it until the next week and I don't like it. 

Here's a little background on my church:  My church is a VERY small Methodist church in Three Rivers.  The congregation averages between 20-30 people every Sunday.  The average age of the congregants is 60+.  Besides the exception of a 10 year old here and there I am the youngest person that attends my church regularly.  From there the age gap jumps into the 40's and up.  So, I'm pretty much the only one....  I am very involved in the running of my church.  I sit on the Ad Board, Staff Pastor Parish Relations Committee, Leadership Development Committee, Worship Team, Chairperson of the Missions Committee, I'm a Certified Lay Speaker and I run the bulletins every week.  I also help with the fundraisers held throughout the year and even put on a very successful Mom 2 Mom Sale this past May.  Other than Adult Sunday School and Sunday Worship Service we don't hold any other programs.  We don't have a Youth Group.  We don't have a Children's Sunday School.  Nothing.

I feel like I'm supposed to be getting more out of my church experience then just working behind the scenes with a bunch of people who don't necessarily agree with my ideas or some of the changes I would like to make.  I want to be involved in worshiping with  people my own age, whom I have something in common with.  I want my kids to be able to come to church on Sunday when they are older and LOVE coming to church and learn something and build a relationship with God.  But I don't know if I can do that here. 

I don't know what to do.....I don't want to leave.....but I'm not sure if staying is going to be the best choice for me and my family.....I know leaving would hurt the congregation and I don't want to do that but is it the best thing for all of us?  Is it fair to them for me to come every week and just go through the motions and not really get anything out of the sermon?  Is it fair to them for me to not be a good example because I don't have anything helping me grow?  Or am I just being selfish and thinking about myself too much? 

I'm hoping this is something that God will help me get through and lead me in the right direction....I just hope its soon because I don't like feeling like this.  I'm hungry and I need to be fed....am I being fed the right stuff right now or is there something more 'me' appropriate somewhere else.....  Ugh...I don't know....I'll always take your opinions.... :-)

Until Next Time.....

1 comment:

  1. Girl I could have written this post. I don't know what to tell you because I am in the same boat. Pray pray pray. That is what I am going to do. It is so hard. I am torn too. What makes my situation even harder is that my parents are the pastors. Now what do I do?